god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
