next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
