i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
