I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
40s are totally the cure
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
