You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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