i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
