Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
