so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
