you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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