I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
