I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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