I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
