I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
