Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love having hate sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
