I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
