So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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