Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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