If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
