I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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