I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
