I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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