if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
