I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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