when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
