I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
