i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
