im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
