You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
