I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to make out with him forever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize