shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My penis needs a shock collar
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
