She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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