who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize