cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
