We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
