I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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