shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this boner is exhausting
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
