Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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