Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
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My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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