chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
