if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
