I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
