I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
