I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
