The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
