Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
