i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
