Duck Duck Cougar?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
there is glitter all over my balls
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