if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she told me i tasted like america
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
