My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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