Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
