Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
