i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
