We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
