Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
