ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
