Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
