I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
