Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
