had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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