This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
