Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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