Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
