According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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