i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
