I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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