update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
