is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Jerry, you need to find god
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
