I'd wear matching sweaters with you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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