if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
