Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
