I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
