Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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