My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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