Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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