So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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